The Dentist and the Physiotherapist (A Love Ballad)

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For my younger brother's wedding, he asked me to be his best man. For my best man's speech, which is always a daunting prospect, I turned to poetry to help me through. The first poem I recited was 'Health and Safety Advice for Married People,' which isn’t quite as romantic as this one. As you'll see, it concludes with a toast. Andrew is indeed a dentist, Philippa is a physiotherapist, and they are both brilliant tennis players who met at the tennis club bar.

The Dentist and the Physiotherapist (A Love Ballad)  

There once was a dentist named Andy,  

Who woke up one day feeling ... lonely,  

He reckoned a wife,  

Would help him in life,  

And a second income'd be handy.  

Andrew gave considerable thought for,  

The sort of wife that he sought for,  

Beautiful, courageous,  

A strong backhand advantageous,  

And an interest in professional torture.  

But as Andrew quite quickly found,  

Such treasures are thin on the ground,  

He was searching for years,  

Of heartbreak and tears,  

Would his luck ever turn round?  

Andrew was beginning to think,  

He should drown his despair in his drink,  

When at the tennis club bar,  

He glimpsed from afar,  

A vision to bring him back from the brink.  

Such beautiful lips as he'd never kissed,  

A second serve which she never missed,  

"Philippa's the name,  

And torture's my game,  

You see, I'm a physiotherapist."  

For Andrew it was just like a dream,  

A perfect match, or so it would seem,  

"I'm a dentist and like you,  

I do torturing too,  

I just love it, making them scream."  

And so this great romance began,  

Their love grew, as true love can,  

Until down on one knee,  

Andrew said, "Marry me,  

And make me the happiest man."  

So on behalf of all of us around you,  

Philippa, we're so glad he found you,  

Can everyone please stand,  

With a drink in their hand,  

For a toast: To Philippa and Andrew.  

By Pete Thomas