Trevor's hiccups

---

Nobody ever likes this poem as much as I do. It's not technically brilliant and it's got flaws but I think it's got charm and I reckon it's funny. It took ages to write and it never quite got there but I'll put it out and ask that you view it more kindly than everyone else has because I'm really fond of it. 

Trevor was a hamster who had hiccups,

He had them nearly every single day,

And all that Trevor ever really wished for,

Was for the hiccups to somehow go away.

Trevor's mother sent him off to see the doctor,

To see what, if anything, could be done.

The doctor looked him over very carefully,

Particularly his tonsils and his tongue.

"Trevor, you need plenty of good exercise,

And an increase of fibre in your diet."

"Will, hic, it work, hic?" asked Trevor,

"I doubt it but I feel that we should try it."

So Trevor had extra bran for breakfast,

And carrots after every other meal,

Trevor's mother made him run around for hours,

Getting nowhere on their giant hamster wheel. 

The next week he was back at the doctor's,

"How's it been?" the doctor asked Trevor,

"Well I'm certainly now very fit and regular, 

But the hiccups, hic, are worse, hic, than ever!"

The doctor scratched his chin and pondered,

"Possibly it's all inside your head,

Having now exhausted modern medicine,

I'll send you to a hypnotist instead."

The next week, when the doctor saw Trevor,

He asked him right away, "How's the hiccing?"

Trevor answered, "Just the same as last time, hic,

But when the phone rings now I cluck like a chicken!"

The doc said, "We have one final option,

One I heard about just the other day,

A hamster who is wise at curing hiccups,

This hamster's name is Nibbles the Grey."

So Trevor was sent off to see Nibbles,

Who lived inside a dark and spooky cage,

Trevor nervously approached the wizened figure,

Whose ancient back was bent in half with age.

"I'm Trevor, hic," said Trevor, "I've got hiccups,

And my doctor said that I should come to you."

Nibbles slowly beckoned Trevor closer,

Then suddenly jumped up and shouted, "Boo!"

Trevor had never been so terrified,

He jumped about an inch into the air,

His heart tried to jump out of his eyeballs,

He'd never his whole life had such a scare. 

Then Trevor noticed Nibbles softly laughing,

And then he couldn't quite believe his eyes,

For underneath Nibbles' dusty cloak was,

Revealed the doctor in disguise!

Trevor swelled up in indignation,

"Whatever would you do that to me for?"

"But Trevor," said the doctor, "for the hiccups,

A great big scare is the only cure."

So Trevor was cured of the hiccups,

And in the end was grateful to the doc,

Who was wise enough to solve his patient's problem,

By giving him the most enormous shock. 

By Pete Thomas