health and safety advice for married people

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When my younger brother asked me to be best man for his wedding I was faced with the daunting prospect of making the best man speech. I resorted to poetry to mask my inadequacies in public speaking. This is the first of two poems I incorporated into my speech. I set this one up by saying that my wife had read it and she was worried that it might not be quite romantic enough but that I wanted to get the room's opinion. The other poem I wrote for the occasion is possibly even more romantic (see The Dentist and the Physiotherapist) but this one got the bigger laugh. 

Health and Safety Advice for Married People

I don't know if it has ever occurred to you,

And I don't know for sure but I've heard it's true,

That your spouse will now be,

Statistically,

The person most likely to murder you. 

By Pete Thomas